So just a heads up this is going to be a series I have thought long and hard about starting. Diving into some personal issues and give you a peek into my life behind the scenes from what you normally see on the day-to-day. I think it’s important that people see that even when you put yourself in the public eye like this that not everything is sunshine & rainbows. Whatever insecurities you are feeling we probably have as well!
Do you ever look at other photos of yourself and think wow I just look so unhappy? Every photo you take, especially as a blogger, there is some type of story behind it. You look at it and remember how much fun you had that day, something silly that happened, or some type of heartache you were going through. Even photos from 6 months ago I can see that there is a change in my attitude and in my appearance and the way I carry myself. This photo from last Thursday is really important to me. It actually captures perfectly how I feel about my body, and what others see when they see me (so I’ve been told).
2013: Starting My Blog
I have been reminiscing about my journey when I started blogging. I was encouraged by my close friends; they loved my style so much they suggested I should start a blog. I was inspired by their confidence in me even though, looking back, I had probably little to none. Although I was full figured in high school I was super healthy and worked out all the time. I played sports throughout school and was really athletic. Being plus size at such a young age was really a struggle because I didn’t have any friends who had to shop at adult women stores to find clothes that fit. I remember that really lowered my self-esteem and made me feel like I couldn’t tell people where I actually bought the item when they asked me in person.
My photos starting out weren’t great. I used my iPhone a lot of the time with the help of my family members taking my photos right after class almost every day. Looking back those photos make me cringe but 18-year-old me really needed that outlet that was all her own to be creative and herself. In school, it was taboo to be big and be stylish, let alone to be a blogger. At this stage of the game, graduating was what really made me feel better knowing that I was free from the label of having to look a certain way to dress a certain way.
2014-2016: Growing Pains
This is hard for me to admit but I think after going to college it really hit me how uncomfortable I was in my own skin and how it moved. I wasn’t as athletic anymore and I was stressed all of the time that my eating and health was low. I moved someplace where I didn’t know anyone, which at the time terrified me because I need people around me to feel happy. Unfortunately, the people I let surround me definitely dictated everything I did. Because I chose to surround myself with negative people who picked out all of the bad qualities in everyone around them, that is exactly what I did to myself.
I ended up limiting myself to what I could wear. Even though the year before I was wearing crop tops, bodycon skirts, & see-through-mesh tops right before college. I took ten steps back and started wearing things that were practical for my stereotypical size. Moving home really helped me I think to accept that not everyone is going to like the way you look, and the only person’s opinion that matters is yours. I don’t think it was until I moved back home last summer that I started to feel comfortable wearing clothing that was more revealing because I liked the way it looked on me.
2018-Present: Today’s Journey
When I was trying on swimsuits (top photo) with one of my friends I put on these bottoms that are lower on my stomach than what I normally like. I stepped out and showed my friend and said that I wasn’t sure because I didn’t know if it was appropriate and that someone might be offended by showing so much skin. She looked at me like I was nuts and said “Why would you care what other people think let alone if what you’re wearing offends people? The only thing that matters is how you feel & you look amazing. Your confidence shines, that’s all I notice about you.”
This really resonated with me & compelled me to want to talk about my own struggles I’ve had with being body positive & confident. Not every day is going to be perfect. There are days where I just do not feel good about the way I look, but I have been blessed by a community of women who always know (somehow) that I am feeling this way and I instantly receive so many messages on how pretty and confident I look, and how much I inspire them.
You are your biggest critic. If you wake up in the morning and automatically pick out all of the things wrong with you and start your day negatively, then the whole rest of your day you’ll just have a bad attitude. That is not a life to live. Blogging might not be the answer for everyone but there are ways to feel comfortable in your skin! Like keeping a journal to write out your feeling when you are down. I used to put quotes on my bathroom mirror every week/month when I was in college, as a reminder that tomorrow is always a new day. I surrounded myself with people who are positive, fun, and help me grow. Get dressed up for no reason and go to dinner with your significant other, friends, family, or even by yourself! I promise you that will feel like a million bucks. Go for a long walk when you don’t feel good, don’t seclude yourself to your room (I still struggle with this). Or if you don’t want to walk then go for a drive at night with the windows down listening to traffic and low music in the background. Eat healthy foods and don’t skip meals even when you are in a hurry. Also, make sure to be drinking tons of water.
These are all things I have changed in my life that I saw were affecting how I felt about my body. Remember that this took time for me to feel comfortable and it won’t happen for everyone in a day or even a week. But you are worth making small changes in your day to day life, with the people you surround yourself with, and/or your attitude.
I know this was a long read but this is something I am passionate about sharing with y’all. So thank you guys for sticking around. We will continue our regular outfits on Monday with some Valentine’s day inspiration all week long.