I can think of a few million dollar questions that everyone wants to know the answer to. “What am I doing with my life?”, “What do I want to do in my career?”, “When do I need to get married?”, “When do I know what I’m doing in life?”, “At what age will I be successful?” And I could go on with this list.
The specific one I want to tackle today is “How are you so confident?” I get asked this question on the daily whether it be in my personal life from friends, family, coworkers, to strangers on the internet and random DM’s from followers. I used to think that it was the easiest thing to answer because I grew up overweight and was always lucky to have surrounded myself with people who are incredibly kind and positive. I *knock on wood* didn’t have anyone I was close friends with who hindered my idea of what I felt about my body. So I grew up feeling like I could do anything and be anything I wanted. The sky was the limit! Now that being said, I think my parents tried their best to make me feel comfortable to wear whatever I wanted, but I ended up dressing in graphic tees and basketball shorts for awhile. I always thought that I couldn’t wear color, tank tops that showed off my arms, dresses past my knees, ANY SHORTS. This dresscode doesn’t fly when you live in the desert and its 110 degrees during the summer. It wasn’t until college that I really felt comfortable experimenting with crop tops, bodycon dresses, and cami’s.
I think the biggest thing I have learned is that you will never know until you go out and try. So I am constantly trying different prints, styles, and cuts until I find pieces I truly love on and off my body. When writing this post I found this quote that says, “You will never figure out life. There will never be an end to all the questions. You’ll just get better at dealing with them and learn to do it faster.” To put it bluntly you can say all day that you want to love your body and stop the negative thoughts in your head. But if you really want to do something then you gotta truly let go of everything and fall into the unknown. Even the strongest people on the outside have demons they’re dealing with on the inside. Sometimes it’s hard being confident & the strong one to everyone around you. Even I have to take time with my body and work to love myself again. I put together some helpful tips and advice I have given, heard, and read over the years that always helps me.
Gotta Start somewhere
- Stop comparing yourself. Let’s unpack this. Everybody wants what others have. That person you are wishing you were more like? They’re probably wishing their body was more like another persons too. You are your own worst critic. You have to put down the phone, stop picking your body apart from what its not and start loving your body for what it is.
- Positive vibes only! Start by replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones. I know this is easier said than done. I get comments a lot from followers and friends saying “Well I can’t just completely switch my thinking like that.” I know you cant especially if it’s something you’ve done for forever. But you can recognize that you do it stop yourself and start over. Instead of thinking “I hate my arms” you can replace it with “I love how strong my arms are.”
- Wear clothes that FIT YOU. I can feel you rolling your eyes. I see you & I get you but honestly there is nothing worse than owning clothing that’s either too big or too tight. You don’t want to hide your best assets with baggy clothes. Nor do you want something tight that will put neon flashing signs over the parts of you that aren’t your favorite. Only invest your coin into items that accentuate your favorite features. The difference this will make is worth the money you will save.
- Make a list of nice things you love about your body. I personally have never done this before but I remember my girlfriend and I did something similar recently when we were both feeling down. We listed 5 things we loved about each other. Such a mood booster to hear someone else say they like some things about you that you might not even love about yourself. If you decide to make a list then you can add new things to that list and even read them to yourself when you need a pick me up.
- Do nice things for your body. Treat yo’ self. Go get a massage, take a bath (if you like sitting in your own filth), or put on some nice lotion/spray. These aren’t just for your body to feel good but for your mind. I find all of these to be instant confidence boosters not just physically but mentally they’re pleasing and soothing.
- Cut out the toxic people you’ve been hanging onto. I know its hard but if you can think of someone who always has negative criticism to say about people and the way they look then cut them out girl. They’re not worth the headache and are leading you to be overly critical with yourself and even people around you. Thank u, next.
- Do activities that you love to do! It’s sad that this is something that we have to talk about but I need to work on this a lot. I won’t go do physical activities in groups because I’m worried people will stare at me or make fun of me. You know who cares? No one, it’s just you boo. Pay no mind to people because they seriously are not even paying attention to you, they’re in their own little world. If it makes you happy then go climb that mountain, go jet skiing, take that yoga class, or run that marathon.
I hope you find this advice helpful! I have been struggling mentally lately and this is not only therapeutic for me to write out words that I personally need to hear but I know you all are looking for some guidance as well. Remember you’re beautiful, badass, and a boss. Wear your best outfit, put on your best jam, and shake it off ya’ll!
Top/Skirt- Rue 21+// Heels- Target// Necklace- Kendra Scott//